Yet another unsolicited phone call.

Yet another unsolicited phone call.

My story begins with a phone call. I admit I was sceptical; I’ve had my share of PPI, double glazing, garden paving, tree pruning, solar panels, and timeshares. Where does it all end? So, I went on the defensive as soon as he started his sales patter:

“Good morning Mr Smith…”

“Yes,” I said. “The sun is shining the birds are singing and my dogs didn’t start barking as soon as the phone rang so, it is a good morning.”

“My name is Andrew Simmons, It is my pleasure to congratulate you on winning a star prize in the great Ford lottery…”

“I’m afraid you’ve got me there, I’ve never entered a lottery.”

“Well, your name was selected in the prize draw and I’m pleased to inform you that you have won a new car…”

I interrupted him in mid-flow. “Would that be a Corgi, Dinky or Matchbox?” I knew the patter, I’d spent a few weeks unsuccessfully selling encyclopaedias, door to door in the 1960’s, it wasn’t my scene then and I despise anyone trying to sell me something I don’t want, or need now.

“I’m sorry?” he said.

“Just send it over. I no longer drive, but I’m sure my son would be only too happy to take it off your hands,” I said.

“I’m serious Mr Smith. I’m not trying to sell you anything…”

I interrupted him again. “Okay, what car is it.”

“You’ve actually won a ‘Ford Mondeo’ the latest model, straight off the production line.”

“Aha, and what colour would it be?” I asked to keep the conversation flowing; I had time to kill and it would take my mind off my dental appointment later in the day.”

“Well, you can choose from any colour in the Ford range, sir.”

“Can’t I have a ‘Kuga’ or a ‘Peugeot 508’?” It was obviously a scam so I just played along.

“No sir, Ford is raffling a Mondeo, a Focus and a Fiesta.”

The farce had gone far enough, and I was getting bored “unfortunately I no longer drive so give it to some other poor mug!” I said, and then I hung up.

Two weeks later I read in our local paper that the winners of the Big Ford Giveaway had been announced. Ford put the names of every person who purchased a Ford car prior to 2008, into a draw.

The lucky winners were:
Alan Blythe (Chelmsford) - Ford Mondeo
Cray Appleton (Southend) - Ford Focus
Adeopla Farahojah (Dagenham) - Ford Fiesta

I think the term ‘sick as a parrot’ is appropriate.

436 Words