Newest addition to the Waxwell Road Mob

Newest addition to the Waxwell Road Mob

 is Truffles, a little chocolate flavoured chihuahua 0.63kg (looks more like a flightless fruit bat:

Already she shows a penchant for the I-Phone...

The Waxwell Road Mob

The Waxwell Road Mob

“Urf rrr urf rrrrr,” it was ‘the watcher’, Muffin.

“Raff rer-raff,” Sue leaps from the bed but is only the second Chihuahua to hit the floor running.

“Ro rororo,” Mia is a tireless toughie, the puppy of the pack.

The letterbox rattles and a chorus of canine voices give warning to the paperboy - enter at your peril.

A rolled-up newspaper appears, enticingly, four feet from the ground.   Each has their speciality and ‘the jumper’ is Sue it’s what she does best.   She sinks several inches then springs high above the letterbox grabbing the interloper in her mouth and with a deft twist of her head pulls it free of the box and throws it, in one single practised movement, down to the others waiting below.   Mia is the first to attack grasping a corner she twists and jerks upwards producing a satisfying ripping sound, followed by another and another as each, in turn, inflicts wounds on their victim.

Even as they tear at it they can hear bare feet padding rapidly across the lino.   Twist pull throw, one, two, three times, a triple attack from the Waxwell Rd Mob.   They stop, as Len arrives, looking up at him - he can almost read their thoughts – ‘always last to arrive.’   He’s the oldest pack member, and human, need I say more?

“What have you done to June’s paper?”

Mia’s answer is to shred off another two-inch-wide strip from the raggedy heap of punctured newsprint.

“Mia Christa-Dora you’re a bad girl!”

Mia struts away jaunty and self-assured – he loves me really.   As Len stoops to pull the pages into a semblance of order, she begins chewing at his right heel – Mmm not bad.

“You badun!”  

No sense of fun our gofer.

Returning to the bedroom he throws the paper into June’s lap, “Here’s the remains of your paper, best of luck reading it.   Must be a new paperboy he pushed it too far in and you know our Sue.”

“What are we going to do with you girls, look what you did to my paper!”

Bugs hadn’t bothered to leave the bed with the others, he’d seen it all, done it all before, and chewed up the T-shirt.   He viewed them with contempt – It’s only the Sun – he thinks, attempting to push June over so he can settle more comfortably in the centre of the bed; Bugs weighs 4 pounds, June 160 pounds, but physics was never his strong point.

That’s the trouble with gofers, they’re too wrapped up with personal possessions, Muffin observes, My sox, my coffee, my shoes, my paper, You’d think by now they would realise their station in life and who is really important.

Chihuahua’s thought Bugs 

Precisely, Muffin thought back, licking Mia’s watering eyes.

Len climbs back into bed so Mia straddles his chest, licking his whiskers, - Mmm, stir-fried chicken sauce, we had that last night.

Disgusting, You'll catch his germs, warned Bugs.

Len is starting to nod off, so Mia nibbles his nose and scratches at his beard.

“Ouch!”   You little monkey.   You’re a bad girl!”

And?   She almost smiled.

Bugs got off the bed and padded into the bathroom for a drink.   Ting, ting, ting, ting!   Ting…   Ting, ting, ting!...

“I think Bugs wants the water bowl refilled,” said June.

“Coming Bugs!” The clock projected 06:25 onto the ceiling.

Take your time gofer; guess I’m stuck with what they gave me…   Five minutes later Bugs is out in the garden making room for more.

Len is just dozing off again when Sue hits his chest with a four-footed tackle.   She growls and raises her paw pushing him – wake up!   When he doesn’t move she places the paw on his balding pate and jerks violently.

“Ouch!”

“They want their breakfast,” says June ‘the interpreter'.

Grr wrruff, says Mia.   Muffin watches inscrutable as ever.

“Oww!   Stop it, Sue that hurts.”

Muffin licks Mia’s eyes again.  

They collected Mia six months earlier from Chris Stewart’s Farm; in the Stour valley of Kent.   Both Sue and Muffin came from the same source but two years earlier.   Muffin had been broody just prior to Mia’s arrival and adopted her right off - treating her as her own pup.

“Okay, okay,” said gofer Len, "I know when I'm beaten," getting out of bed for the second time; the red ceiling projection now showed 06:50 but fainter in the dawn light.   “I sometimes wonder who’s in charge here,” he said.

“They are!” said June.   Len didn’t reply.

June turned a page as Bugs snuggled down alongside her.     Muffin took up station on her upper legs a lookout, gazing through the bedroom window at anything that moved, giving a continuous commentary on any and everything happening outside.  

Sue and Mia are in the kitchen pushing and worrying Len ensuring he doesn’t get distracted from the task on hand.   He sets their bowls on the work surface - gold for Sue, green for Mia, blue for Bugs, and white for Muffin, and sets the kettle on to boil.

What’s he doing? Muffin wonders.

Sue pushes his calf with her two front paws, we come first remember?

He goes into the dining room to collect the mugs.   Sue follows, a withering look on her face, "Rrr-rr-ruff."

“Don’t worry Sue, I haven’t forgotten you.”   He bends down to stroke her.

Mia scratches the back of his hand lightly as if to say What about me?    So he gives her some attention as well.   Then back into the kitchen and outcome their individual jars containing small plastic bags of individually wrapped 20g portions of dry dog food.   There are three varieties for each.   Bugs being fourteen has the senior variety with the low protein, Sue is on the diet variety, being overweight,  the biggest non-human in the pack.    Mia is the baby and gets puppy mixture, while Muffin alone has a normal variety.

Len fills the bowls and takes them into the bedroom.   They all clamber onto the bed to await the arrival of their breakfast.   Sue wolfs hers down, and Mia is close behind.   Bugs sniffs it dubiously and looks to see what everybody else has before deciding his is no worse than theirs and starts to eat at a leisurely pace.   Lady Muffin sits patiently beside her bowl, eating nothing, looking out the window until Sue and Mia have finished theirs, and are looking around for more.   As they approach the untouched white bowl they are met with a ferocious snarl.   “Urrr Grrr argh!”   If they have any sense they'll think better of it and look over at Bugs.

“Grrrrrr!”  His upper lip curls and he bares his teeth.  

They turn their interest back to Muffin who is looking out the window and ignoring her food.   Sue moves her head forward slowly and follows it with a timid movement of her left paw.   Muffin snarls again. 

Sue and Mia sit on their haunches watching the other two eat, their faces, pictures of innocence and longing; half a chance and they would pounce and gobble all they could.

Bugs and Muffin eat at their leisurely pace their demeanour says Don’t you wish you had some? 

Mia sidles up beside Bugs keeping her head lower than his.   He keeps his body between her and his food and continues to eat.

As always, Sue and Mia’s wait is in vain, but hope springs…

.-...-.

June's mobile phone lit up, 'Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the…'

“Hello?   Hi Karen.   Yes…  Yes…  Yes…   Of course.   Steve can bring him over any time.”  June covered the mouthpiece, “Karen’s been taken into hospital, the baby is coming, Steve’s bringing Connor down, he should be here in about half an hour.”

“Don’t worry about him Karen, he’ll be fine with us.   He can keep Dad amused, and give Bugs some intelligent conversation, and somebody to take him w-a-l-k-i-e-s.   Take care love; see you in a few days.  Bye.  

"Did you hear that Len?"

“Every word, hope the dogs have short memories.

Sue growled deep in her throat. 

 Muffin gave a shrill sharp howl.

Mia maintained an inscrutable look because she’d never met Connor. 

Bugs yawned deeply, the kid’s alright, Bugs thought.

Twenty minutes later a horn sounded and they heard footsteps running up the drive.   Len went down on his haunches to welcome his beaming ten-year-old grandson with a bear hug.  “Hello mate, you’re looking well.    Let’s get your case into the spare room.”

“Where’s Nan?”

“Where do you think?   In the kitchen, I hope you’re hungry.”

Connor ran into the kitchen and hugged June.   Muffin was close behind him growling, as she nipped at his heel.

“Ouch!   That hurt.”

“Muffin!” Len scooped her up and placed her outside the back door.   “You can stay there until you calm down.”

“I don’t like her!”  Connor said, close to tears.

“Show me your heel,” said June.   “Ahha!  No skin broken, that was just her way of showing you whose boss. 

“Here,” said Len offering a tube of cream.

“What is it?”

“It’s a special Anti-Muffin-Nip cream; it’ll cure you in no time.”

June smiled and rubbed some onto the faintly reddened heel. “There how does that feel?”

“Much better thanks, Nan, why doesn’t she like me?”

“She thinks anybody new is an intruder.”

“But, I’m not,” he protested hugging her.

“I know, but it’s her job to check out visitors and decide if they can join our pack.   It’s a sort of initiation.”

“Like when I went to my new school, they wouldn’t talk to me until I shot a few baskets, in the playground and Colin Lang said I was okay and I could join his team.”

“They let you have guns at school?   Len, I’m not sure I’m happy about that. It’s becoming more like the USA here, every day.”

“He’s talking basketball love; 'the shooter' is the equivalent of the ‘Goal Shooter’ in netball.”

“Ah!   Would you believe it, basketball; as I said, more like America every day.   Muffin will soon come round, and accept you as part of the family,” said June.

“Where’s my friend Bugs?   He likes me,” said Connor.

“He’s in here, stretched out on the sofa,” Len said glancing at the front page of his gardening magazine.

 “Thanks Granddad.”   He went in search of the oldest of the four Chihuahua’s, whilst June opened the back door and let Muffin back in.

“Hello Bugs, can I sit here?”   He flopped on the cushion beside Bugs and began to stroke him.

Muffin burst into the room “Row, rowrowrowrowrow!”

“Errrr!” said Bugs, So Muffin hopped onto June’s recliner chair.  She curled up like a cat and sat, quiet as a mouse, watching.

“Granddad?”

“Yes mate.”

“Can I take Bugs out for a walk?”

“I’m not sure about that, he’s getting old, he’s fourteen in our years.”

“How much is that in dog years?”

“Well, one of ours is seven dog years,” said June, “so that’s…”

“Ninety-eight,” said Connor.

“My word, your good at mental arithmetic,” said Len.

Connor heard a tinkling sound and looked down.   Bugs sat at his feet with a blue leather lead in his mouth and his tail wagging.   “I think Bugs wants to come,” said Connor.

“June, come and see this.”

“Well, I’ve never seen him do that before,” said June.

“Take it off him quickly, before the others see, or they’ll all want to go w-a-l-k-i-e-s,” Len spelt the word out.

“Walkies?” said Connor.

Muffin buried herself under cushions, while Mia and Sue jumped up and down excitedly.

“Now you’ve done it,” said June.

“I’ll take you two when I get back,” Connor promised.   They followed Connor and Bugs to the front door, watched them walk down the garden path, and out through the front gate.

.-...-.

"I think we could walk as far as Watery Lane, and then we can sit on the bench and rest awhile before coming back.”   Bugs looked up at him and seemed to nod in agreement.  

An older boy ran by with a bull terrier on a thick rope and choke chain.   “Pussy,” he yelled at them.

Connor ignored him.   They walked off slowly, side by side until they reached the bench and Connor sat down.

'Get me up, this pavement is cold'.   The words just seemed to form in Connor’s mind.

“Did you speak?”  He looked around for somebody who might be playing a trick on him.   The lane was deserted.

'Just get me up please?'

He took off his jacket and folded it for bugs to sit on.   They sat there a while in silence, Connor stroking Bugs, looking around to be sure nobody was watching.

“Was that really you in my head Bugs, or am I going bonkers?” he whispered.

'You're Okay kid, you can hear me but nobody else can.'

“Why me?”   He sighed, “Haven’t I got enough problems?   I’m about to become a big brother.”

'How the hell should I know, I don’t make the rules.   I’m fourteen and I've had a good life, you’re a kid just like Mia, but you’re ten just four years younger than me.   If you were a dog you’d be…'

“Seventy, yes I know.”

'I was about to say Geriatric.   Life ain't fair.'

“You got that right Bugs.”

'What have you got to worry about?   Okay, so you’re a ‘Gofer’ well that’s an honourable profession, somebody has to do it, and since humans have hands, it’s something you’re well equipped for.   So you do all the fetching and carrying for us dogs.   That’s not so bad, is it?   You can go out whenever you like and have money you can spend.   You even get to spend some on yourselves occasionally.  All in all I’d say you got it cushy.'

“Yea?   What about bullies beating up on me and calling me rotten names in front of everybody and the threats...”

'Don’t worry about Muffin, she’ll come around.   You’re a decent kid, what’s not to like?'

“I’m talking about school.   You heard that big guy with the bulldog..."

'Bull Terrier.'

“Whatever.   Nobody likes me, the teachers are always getting at me, and Uncle Steve says they’re only doing it for my own good.   Granddad says I’ve got to give as good as I get…"

'I’d say as bad as ye get.'

“It gets so bad sometimes I wish I was dead.”

'You wanna change places?'

  “Can we?”

'Nah!   It’s just wishful thinking kid.   Maybe you could get into training and learn to run real fast.   Then, you just hit that sucker as hard as you can and run like hell!'

Connor smiled briefly.   “I wish I was an adult, then everything would be simple.”

'Sorry to mess with your dreams kid, but the big guy got laid off a month ago, he just mopes around the house, searching the internet, writing endless letters.   All the funs gone out of him, why today’s the best I’ve seen him in an age.   It doesn’t get easier with age, take it from me.'

“What am I gonna do Bugs?”

'I guess you just gotta say enough’s enough - I ain’t gonna take no more!   But, what do I know about it, I’m just a mutt.'  

“Your right Bugs, I’m feeling sorry for myself and you obviously have troubles of your own.   Do you want to tell me?”

'Wouldn’t want to bore you with my trivial afflictions.   Renal deterioration, possible kidney failure, I’m on tablets for it but— Heh!   Veterinary bills, cost an arm and a leg,   Have you seen the strength of the big guy's eyeglasses?   He cuts tiny little tablets into four to get the dose right, then he wraps them in strong cheddar cheese to disguise them so I’ll eat them.   Ain’t that somethin?'

“O-oh!   Here comes the bulldog again.”

'Bull terrier.'

“Who’s talking about the dog?”

“Hey woose, where did you find that scrawny little rat.”

“This scrawny rat is a man-eating Chihuahua!   He’d have your runt for breakfast, but he doesn’t eat anything that small.”

“Why you—  Get him, Spike!"   He released the choke chain and Spike growled and charged towards them.  

Bugs roared 'Rabies!'    And went for Spike, biting his right leg.   Spike howled in pain and ran off down the street, with his tail between his legs, yelping.

“Now it’s your turn Ugly-puss,” Connor yelled.

Ugly-puss’s face distorted into a snarl but as Bugs turned towards him he looked less certain.   He lashed out with his foot kicking Bugs high into the air.   Bugs landed with a thud and lay still.

“You asshole!”   Connor screamed and ran in like a dervish, fists flying.   He landed one two three punches and Ugly-puss turned and ran.  “You and that dog are mad!   I’m gonna tell my dad.”

Connor turned towards Bugs, tears in his eyes, and tried to lift him.

'Don’t!   Get the big guy; he’ll know what to do.'

.-…-.

The young Vet looked grave.   He placed his stethoscope to Bugs’s chest for the third time and shook his head.   “Considering his age, medical history and his current condition, I doubt we can restore him to anything like the quality of life he deserves.”

“You think it best we have him put to sleep?” June asked.   Len stood stoically, to one side, tears pooling in his eyes. 

“Don’t let him die, Granddad, it was my fault…”

'Don’t be so melodramatic kid!   You didn’t make me do nothing; did you see that Bull terrier run though?   It was worth two months of my life just for that moment.   And, look at you!   Taking on a tough guy a foot taller and older than yourself – he was nearly a man – he ran an he ran heh heh!   It’s my time kid, It’s only at the end we are given the gift of mind speech and even then it’s only special dogs that get it.  Say goodbye to me like a man, and don’t forget what you learned today.

“I’ll give you a few moments to consider which action is in his best interest, but he is in a lot of pain.   If he were human he wouldn’t get the humane choice, he would be made as comfortable as possible and be forced to linger.”

“No need to prolong his suffering, If the right thing is to let go,” said Len.

“Would you like to hold him for me?”

“I’ll do it said Connor,” he felt the adults hands on his shoulders, and as he cupped Bugs’s head in his own hands Connor felt the love flow in both directions.


“Goodbye Bugs.”

Bye kid.  Don’t take no shit!

3 home made Sonnets

SONNETS:

Here are three sonnets I first posted, in 27/09/2013.   But, I couldn't resist the opportunity to read them on Youtube.

They were written in the 1980's about 35 years ago when I decided to have a shot at writing sonnets (14 stanza's in iambic pentameters)of equal feet:

Homespun Poetry

HELP!

I need to know how I can put the following YouTube tags into a post so that they can be accessed with a click by my viewer.  When I click on them now, nothing happens!   Can anybody help?

Thanks for all your help See Above^^^^

My First Flight.

My First Flight.

I have to cast my mind back to 1948~49, when I first found I could leap from tall buildings and survive.  Just before splattering on the ground I would close my eyes and open them again, and I would find myself laying snugly in my bed.  After the first time, I would regularly wake up from my dreams by jumping off cliffs or tall buildings.  It all began when my friend Tony told me he'd heard that if you die in a dream you will never wake up.  Being a fearless/foolhardy four-year-old I thought I'd like to disprove his assertion. 

My theory was "I'm the hero of this picture if anything happens to me the world will come to an end..."

A short time after that first jump I thought I would spread my arms and try to fly, and I did.  I jumped and instead of falling I rose into the air and flew over lush countryside, following rivers, diving down into towns and cities where I hovered and watched people and animals; they didn't seem to notice me passing.  That was when I realised that in my dreams I was invisible and invincible.  I flew higher and higher until I could see the curvature of the earth, and the sky became darker.   I dove down until I was skimming the surface of the sea at incredible speeds.  I saw ships on the sea and buzzed them, In my euphoria.  Then I dove down into the sea and viewed boats on the surface from below.  Initially, I held my breath underwater, then I realised I didn't have to breathe.  I saw shoals of fishes and swam amongst them.  I sat on the conning tower of a submarine, played tag with dolphins; they for some reason could see me perfectly well and chatted excitedly in their high pitched voices.  I flew up into the dark sky, towards the sun, the heat didn't increase as I drew near.  So I dove, into a sunspot and witnessed a magical firework display I emerged on the opposite side of the orb, and saw Jupiter in the distance.  I crashed into Jupiter's misty smoke and liquid gas, It tingled, but there was no aroma.  I wasn't aware of its constituents then: Hydrogen, Helium, Ammonia & Methane (very pungent).  I flew high above the Solar system and looked down, I felt like a god, master of all I surveyed.  I consciously grew larger, expanding until I could view the Universe without moving my head; hundreds of thousands of stars... 

Mum shook me gently.  "Time to wake up Lenny, breakfast is on the table, boiled eggs with toast soldiers."

Sadly, somewhere between 9 and 10 my best friend Tony was drowned while on holiday, and I lost my belief; I've not been able to dream fly since.

My first flight in an aircraft was a boring affair in comparison.  I was in the army, I'd been posted to The Middle Eastern State of Sharjah.  We travelled by VC10 to Bahrain.  We took off from Brize Norton at 0800hrs Spent 15 hours in the air, continually buffeted by winds and air turbulence, which banished any opportunity for sleep.  There were plenty of sick bags employed on that flight.  We were issued with Army packed lunches, and bottled water: tea and coffee were also on offer in flight.  At Bahrain, we were transferred to a small RAF transport aircraft.  There were no seats, just hammocks.  Freight was secured at the rear and we were housed along the outer walls.  The aircraft was an ancient turboprop plane that crabbed through the sky, it found every bump and hit every thermal.  We rolled out at Sharjah and were conveyed to barracks for the night.  We were issued with salt and malaria tablets and given 48 hours to acclimatize.  During those first two days in Sharjah the average wet-bulb temperature, over the 24hr period, reached 136 degrees; the highest temperature ever recorded in an inhabited area at that time.

Ah the British Army such a wondrous place!  You can catch sunburn whilst training in the desert and be charged with causing damage to government property, through 'self-inflicted wounds': Yo!  I think the sun had something to do with it too, don't you?

 Just a year earlier I had spent a month in Lillehammer (Norway), undergoing winter warfare training.  The temperatures there dropped as low as -40degrees; it wasn't a record but I doubt many have experienced a temperature variation of 176 degrees within a 12 month period.

Ah!  The memory is a wonderful thing, but fallible.  We drove to Norway in Land Rovers from Lippstadt West Germany.  To get there I had to fly from Gatwick to Hannover.  A completely uneventful trip about which I have no memory.  I don't even recall the return trip.

As to having knowledge of astronomy at the age of four?  I now view that with suspicion.  I can confirm that everything that came later was accurate. 

In the immortal words of Eric Morecombe: "I played all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order."

 So, on balance I would suggest you take it with a pinch of salt?

850 words

Cosmic Events

Cosmic & Natural Events (a bedtime story)

On 16th May 1996 an asteroid the size of the millennium dome was heading for an impact with the Earth.  Not science fiction, we were just 6 hours away from mass extinction.  World governments watched powerless to change what was coming.  The scientific community were impotent; all watching with bated breath.

No warning was given, where could we have gone anyway?  We were lucky; humanity survived that 'chance in a million' close encounter.  Chance in a million?  In fact, close encounters (near earth events) are more common than most people know.   

Impacts on a smaller scale are not as rare as you might think, but every 60,000 years or so, a cosmic event happens.  There have been five major extinctions as a result of these:

 1) The Ordovician extinction of 440 Mya (million years ago) resulted in 80% extinction, that means only 20% of species survived.

 2) The Devonian extinction 365 Mya saw 85% extinction.

 3) The Permian extinction 245 Mya resulted in the death of 95% of species including two-thirds of the insects; the nearest yet to complete obliteration.   This was the big one that heralded the age of the Dinosaurs.

 4) Triassic extinction 210 Mya 70% of life on Earth disappeared.

 5) Cretaceous extinction 65 Mya a 20-kilometre rock hit the Yucatan, resulting in 70-75% extinctions bringing the Cretaceous to an end, and with it the reign of the Dinosaurs.  But, it's not all bad news, it was this event that enabled mammals to inherit the Earth, enabling our ancestors to become the dominant species; without it, dinosaurs would still be ruling the Earth.

In between the big extinction episodes, there have been at least twenty other smaller extinctions episodes that we know of.  For example grazing animals, including horses, were almost wiped out in one that happened about 5 Mya, can you imagine human history without horses, cows & sheep?  Bear in mind these are just geologists estimates, based on the fossil record.  At the end of the Permian for instance, there were reckoned to be between 45,000 and 240,000 species (species not individuals) inhabiting the planet 95% were wiped out.  The survivors from each species may have been just a few scarred and limping individuals teetering on the brink of oblivion.

 

The tally, for conservationists, is: (as far as educated guesses go) total number of species that have existed since life on earth began between 30 and 4,000 Billion of which 99.99% are no longer with us (according to Bill Bryson’s book ~ A Short History of Nearly Everything [p415-418]).

When a major Cosmic extinction takes place, life is never the same again.  If you're still harbouring a belief that it couldn't happen take note, we are well past time for the next big one.  Maybe the warning provided by the comet (Shoemaker-Levy 9), which had a close encounter with Jupiter in 1992, fragmented and returned like a string of pearls in July 1994. The string crashed into Jupiter leaving a scar the size of Earth, (watch it on YouTube), It’s a wakeup call!

Through history, comets have been viewed as omens of doom.  As recently as 1908 a 50-meter rock landed in the forests of Siberia devastating a vast area and producing shock waves recorded in Paris, Vienna, London, USA and Canada.

A close encounter inevitably changes the orbit of an asteroid (imperceptibly), modifying its approach vector on its next orbit.  

So, let’s imagine a major impact close to the coast of the UK, and look at a likely time-line and the events as they unfold in the first hour:

8 seconds after the Impact:

Millions of tonnes of debris and superheated steam would be hurled into space.  By its speed alone the ejected material would be heated to 3,000 degrees Fahrenheit.

Impact +43 seconds:

Shock-waves devastate the UK Europe, and Ireland would sink into the sea.   The UK and European Cities would be flattened.

Impact +10 minutes:

The debris hurled into space would re-enter the atmosphere.  Firestorms would ravage Europe and the USA.  All communication with Europe would cease.

Impact +15 minutes:

Earthquakes and tidal waves would engulf Europe and the USA, Africa, Mexico and much of South America

Impact +20 minutes:

Shock-waves kill most of the survivors in the USA, Canada and Greenland.

Impact +60 minutes:

Dust-clouds occlude the sun, the beginning of a long dark winter that would last for decades.  Survivors in the Southern hemisphere would survive for a while, but all signs of civilization would soon break down.

If the space menace is worrying we still have to contend with natural disasters on the Earth: Tsunamis, tornadoes, and earthquakes.   But, of course, none of those happen here, do they!?

 In the 1960's Bob Christiansen of the US Geological Survey was puzzling about the absence of a volcano in Yellowstone National Park, despite its obvious volcanic nature, curiously nobody had ever asked that question before.  Most of us think of the classic shape of Mt Fuji, there are some ten thousand of these intrusive volcanoes in the world.  But, there are others that don't build mountains.  They burst open in an explosive rupture leaving behind vast subsidence into a pit called a Caldera.  But Christiansen couldn't find a Caldera anywhere in Yellowstone.  Coincidentally, at the same time, NASA was testing high altitude cameras by taking photo's of the area, a thoughtful official passed on copies to the park authorities, suggesting they might make a nice display at the visitor centres.  At first glance, Christiansen understood why he couldn't locate a caldera.  Virtually the whole park -- 9,000 square kilometres -- was the Caldera.  The explosion had left a crater 65 kilometres across; much too large to be seen at ground level.  At some time in the past Yellowstone must have blown with violence far exceeding anything in recorded history.  

Yellowstone is a Supervolcano sitting atop of a hot spot, a reservoir of molten rock some 200 kilometres below ground, rising to near the surface and forming what is called a superplume.  The heat from this hotspot is what powers all the vents, geysers, popping mud pots and hot springs.  The magma chamber is 72 kilometres across slightly larger than the park.  Imagine a pile of TNT the size of New Jersey 10 Kilometres high, reaching up into the clouds.  This is what visitors to Yellowstone are walking on.  If it blew the cataclysm could not be imagined.  Such plumes are not all that rare; there are about 30 active ones, responsible for many of the worlds best-known island chains -- Iceland, Hawaii, the Azores, the Canaries, and the Galapagos archipelagos.  Apart from Yellowstone, they are all oceanic.  They bubble away benignly whereas Yellowstone explodes.  It doesn't happen often, but stand back when it does.  Its first known eruption was 16.5 Mya, it has blown about a hundred times since each was between 280 and 2,500 times as large as the Mount St Helens eruption, but 8,000 times as monstrous.

And, so to bed; sleep well!

1,170 words.

The Blind Date.

The Blind Date.

It wasn't really a blind date, it wasn't even a date.  It was a targeted communication on line.  It would be the beginning of the biggest 'Blind Date' in  the history of the World Wide Web!

Justine Drake was (or will be; depending on which end of the link you're on) an FTL physicist engaged in advanced space travel following in the footsteps of her father and grandfather who were both Astrophysicists.  Overnight she became the richest woman in the four inhabited systems. 

Naturally people were curious about the origins of her wealth.  One day she was a poor overworked scientist, then overnight she possessed the wealth of a small planet.  The questions had been asked, but only she, and her great-great-great-grandfather Kevin Drake who lived back in the 21st century could give an answer.  Kevin died 200 years ago, and Justine had no intention of revealing  their secret.

Kevin was an unremarkable man a proficient financial accountant, without fire in his belly.  He would have lived out his humdrum life in virtual obscurity, had it not been for an email message he received from the future: from Justine.  He took it to be a hoax of course.  

Hi venerable ancestor,  

I am guessing this message will reach you sometime in the 2020's.  Attached is a list of dates and winning lottery numbers for rollover and double rollover weeks between 2015 and 2035.  I ask only that you Invest £5 and buy a ticket using the numbers I have provided.  This will bring you wealth beyond expectation but, if you follow my further requests you could be so much more fulfilled.  Let me explain: I would like you to open an account in my name and deposit half our joint winnings therein.  Additionally I have attached a list of Companies that are small and struggling in your time, that will, with investment, become successful major companies in 2235, (my time).  There are others that do not as yet exist, that will require major investment to get them established.  I ask that you set up a legal trust device that will ensure they receive that finance. 

When you realise this is not a hoax, I know you will be prepared to invest with more confidence.  Also attached are the results of a number of sporting events.   You cannot claim in your own name, so please set up dummy recipient names.  Do not allow your son Charles to have access to this trust or your funds; he will put our plans in dire jeopardy!

In 2230, Faster than Light travel (FTL) will be sidelined by the Galactic Federation, as impractical.  It's true, to date no living creature has survived an FTL flight hence my need to self fund the project.  Since Jump Space was opened, regular Jump Flights have taken place, but the technology is in the hands of the only other intelligent race in the Universe, the Zeelons, and is jealously guarded.  It is possible that sometime in the future they may decide to restrict our use of Jump Space.  We need an alternative means of intra galactic travel, and FTL is the best and only alternative available.  By following these instructions to the letter you would be the saviour of Earth and the Federation.  In addition, you will acquire personal wealth beyond your expectations.  Your future would be assured simply by following the plan.

Regards,

Justine.

Kevin was sceptical, but what can I lose, he thought as he checked the numbers of past winners off on the list; they all panned out. 

"Hell!  It will cost me a fiver, who would miss it?  Certainly not me.  Now according to Justine, it's two weeks to the next triple rollover." 

He wrote the numbers on the form and paid over his cash.  The Grand National is on next week, he thought.  I'll spread a few thousand around on that if I win...  Ten years later he was a multi billionaire, he had personally and on Justine's behalf, invested in all the companies she advised, and they all bore fruit...

Two hundred and ten years later, Justine and her team checked on the accounts.

"Another one has just taken the bait, another 1,300 billion in funds have arrived.  Your a genius Justine, we are raking in fortunes and all it cost us was the price of an Inner Space Jump two hundred light years away, an unmanned FTL vehicle and an old antique internet server to send out the 'blind dates' to our ancestors in the 21st century.  FTL may not be a practical means of travel but it's a perfect way to travel back in time, virtually!"

ends